The Life You Live Is Precious
by LIFE the RANGER
Summary: Logan is broken after the death of his mother. Left with his drunk father, he resorts to extreme measures to ease his sufferings. Will a certain blonde boy be able bring him out of his shell and see the better side of life? Starts off as Kames but will eventually be Kogan. Rated M for content and character thoughts
1. Chapter 1

Logan knelt beside his mom's grave, tears silently sliding down his cheeks. Why did his mom have to die right now? He needed her. Didn't she realize that? Her little Logie needed her. He hated living with his dad, the piece of drunk, sick bastard. He leaned over to look at the stone that marked her grave. He squeezed his eyes shut and willed the tears to stop.

He hated his life. For as long as he could remember, his dad struggled with substance abuse. And child abuse. Logan did his best to hide some of the bruises he'd gotten over the years, and for the most part he did a good job. If there was a day his dad was sober, he must have been asleep for it. It seemed he was always intoxicated, no matter what the hour or day. And he got violent when he was drunk, which is how Logan ended up with lots of bruises to hide. He managed to get to his feet and stumble blindly to his car. He sat behind the steering wheel and took a last look at the grave.

He drove around for a while, trying to delay going home. He didn't exactly plan on going anywhere, but he found himself outside of the local teen hangout, a coffee shop on Main Street. Right now the hockey team was inside, laughing and jumping up on the tables. Logan felt a little out of place. He was by no means a jock, preferring brain to brawn. He gripped the steering wheel tight, debating on whether or not to go in or not. Before he could decide, the team spilled out of the doors. He shrank down in his seat. He noticed the last two boys to come out. One was kind if tall and had brown hair. He racked his brain until a name rose to the surface.

James, he thought. That's who it was. The other boy was shorter James, blonde, with bottle green eyes. He was quite the looker, Logan decided. Another name floated to the surface, and it knocked the breath out of him. Kendall! He shouted at himself. Kendall Knight. All-star hockey player, and honors classes. He matched Logan in brains, and dwarfed him with brawn. He couldn't help but stare at the blonde. Kendall turned his head to Logan's car. Logan blushed right down to his neck and sank lower. That was enough humiliation for one day. He preferred his solitude anyway.

…

"Did you see that guy?" James asked with a laugh. Kendall nodded. He'd noticed the dark-haired boy staring out his car window at them. "I think he was checking you out," James continued, nudging the blonde. Kendall was too deep in thought to notice.

"He seemed upset," he commented to himself. The brunette turned to look at him, quizzical expression on his face. "Didn't you notice the tear streaks on his cheeks? He'd been crying." James huffed out a breath.

"You don't even know this boy Kendall," he said. "Just let it be. He doesn't seem like the one for new friendships." Kendall just looked at the brunette until he practically squirmed. "Look Kendall, I'm being truthful. I wouldn't try to be friends with him. You'd be setting yourself, and him, up for trouble." The blonde scowled at his friend's logic and stared out of the car window. "Let's go to my house, mom won't care if your there," James said just to talk and pass the time. Kendall gave him a tiny nod, and he turned his car in the direction of his house.

"What if I want to try and get him to let his guard down," Kendall pressed, determined not to let the subject drop. James sighed and ran his fingers through his dark brown hair.

"Look Kendall," he said stiffly. "I'm saying this because I care. Don't meddle in his life. It looks like his life is full of trouble. What caused his tear streaks to begin with? You'll only get hurt." Kendall scowled again, and as James pulled into his driveway, he leaned close to the blonde. "And as your secret boyfriend, I'd strongly suggest you stay away from a new flame." He momentarily twined their fingers, then climbed out of the car. Kendall followed him, feeling uneasy.

"It won't be a new flame Jamie," he said. "I just want to help him through whatever he's going through. Something is clearly bothering him, and I don't think it's a one-day thing. Haven't you noticed the bruises on his arms?" James gave it a little thought, and then he nodded. "Something's up, and I want to know what." James came around and circled his arms around Kendall's waist, pulling the blonde close.

"Just be careful okay," he said seriously. Then, in a lighter tone: "And don't go trying to replace me with a boy you don't even know." Kendall gave him his signature sweet smile and kissed him quickly.

"Don't worry James," he said. "No one's replacing you."

…

Logan tiptoed passed his dad's room. He knew not to wake him, if he was even in there. Logan was sure he was. He never left the house, and if he did, it was only to get drunker than he already was. Logan breathed and inaudible sigh of relief when he was safely passed the door. He made his way to his room, wincing when he stepped on a crushed beer can. He heard a grunt from his father's room, then his worst nightmare come to life. His dad emerged, looking vexed.

"What is with all the noise," he shouted. "Can't you see I'm trying to sleep?" He swayed as he talked, and Logan had a feeling he was in there with his friends Samuel Adams and Jack Daniels. He lowered his gaze to the floor.

"Sorry dad," he said quietly, shuffling down the hall. He hadn't gone that far when his dad's hand whipped out and wrapped around his wrist, squeezing hard. Logan sucked in a breath and waited for his dad to speak. But he didn't. He just stared the boy in the eyes until he felt uncomfortable. That was the plan. He never saw the perfectly timed blow aimed at the back of his head. He slumped forward, unable to bear his own wait at the moment. He looked up at his dad through glazed eyes. He gave the boy a slow, almost evil-looking smile He released his son's wrist and let him fall face forward into the hardwood floor. He left the boy there, returning to his 'get together' in his bedroom. With effort, Logan rolled onto his back.

He stared at the ceiling, wishing, not for the first time, his mom hadn't died last month. He squeezed his eyes shut, silently willing the tears to disappear. He missed her terribly. And yet at the same time he felt a burning resentment for her. She left him, literally. She'd walked out on him and her dad since he began drinking frequently. She died shortly after she left. And while Logan was saddened by the news, he was slightly glad. But that didn't mean his life was any easier. His dad had steadily gotten worse, resorting to violence more often. And since he got worse when he was drunk, it bordered on deadly. Some days Logan would gladly welcome death, and almost resorted to it once. His dad stopped him before he could (the only good thing he ever did).

"Why can't I just end it all?" Logan said to himself. "Why won't he end it all? He could. He knows he's more powerful then I am. He would have no problem getting rid of me once and for all. Why doesn't he?" Tears made their way down his cheeks. "This life his so horrible I would welcome death with open arms."

…

"I hope he's okay," Kendall said for perhaps the tenth time in five minutes. James was getting tired of the mention of the boy the saw outside of the coffee shop. He decided to call Kendall out, just a little.

"Do you even know this boy's name?" he asked, and he saw his boyfriend's face fall as he shakes his head. "Then don't worry about him. He isn't your problem. You should worry about here and now, with the person you know." He lied down and gently tugged the blonde on top of him. They were lying on the couch together watching TV. It was something they'd done hundreds of times. But tonight the blonde's heart didn't feel into it.

"I want to find out his name though," he said into the brunette's chest. "There's just something about him that draws me to him. I can't describe it James." The brunette tightened his hold in the blonde. Kendall hated making him feel insecure, but he was telling the truth. He felt drawn to this boy he didn't know.

"You know," James said mildly. "I think I remember seeing him around school. Logan, isn't it? Logan Mitchell?" Kendall shot up so quickly he slid of the brunette's chest and onto the floor.

"That's it!" he exclaimed. "I thought he looked familiar. He's in most of my honors classes. How could I not recognize him? He's super cu…" Kendall cut off quickly, looking embarrassed. "Anyways, I still want to help him." He climbed back onto the brunette's chest. James gave him a quizzical look.

"I figured since you knew his name now you'd lose interest. What makes this so interesting Kendall? I can't explain to you how this seems appealing. To me it seems like a giant waste of time and energy. He's clearly a hopeless case." The blonde felt a bubble of rage boiling in his stomach.

"Don't say that!" he snapped. "Everyone deserves a friend. And he doesn't seem like a hopeless case. He just needs a little help. You'll see."

…

Logan had managed to crawl to the bathroom. He clawed his way up using the sink for balance. He was still a little dizzy from the blow to his head. He grabbed the razor from his perch on the sink. He ran his finger over the sharp edges, imagining the feel of them on the unprotected skin on his wrists. He then set it down, but reluctantly.

"That'll still be getting off lightly," he mumbled. "I don't just need help. I need a miracle." He sank to his knees on the floor. He stared the ceiling numbly. "Death will have to wait another day. I will do it eventually." Then he began screaming, not caring if his dad heard. "Fuck you mom! How could you leave me? How could you leave your little Logan? You knew your husband was no good, right from the start! I hate you! I hate you!" He was sobbing loudly now. In truth, he really didn't. He grabbed the razor again. "How'd you like it if I came to live with you again? How would you feel if I did it?"

He ran the razor horizontally over his wrists, wincing when he felt the skin slice open. He watched the blood pour freely from his new, self-inflicted wounds. He screamed again, this time with no words. Just a long, drawn-out wail. He didn't care if he took his own life that night. He just wanted to be anywhere but there.

…

_A/N: Well what do you guys think? Good? Read and review!_


	2. Chapter 2

"Are you sure you know where he lives Jamie?" Kendall asked again as James climbed into the car. James shook his head and glared at the blonde boy.

"When will you learn to trust me?" he accused. "I asked around, and found out the dope's address for you. I figured you'd be jumping for joy." Kendall gave him a hurt look.

"I am happy. But I didn't see Logan at school today. Do you think he's alright?" James slammed his door shut and didn't respond. He revved the car to life and sped out of the student parking lot at school. "I'm sorry," Kendall said after a bit, staring at his hands. "I know you hate when I talk about him. But I'm troubled by this. Why wasn't he in school today? I have to know the truth if it kills me." Kendall had no idea of what they were about to find, and then maybe he would have chosen a different phrase to use.

"This is the place," James said. "A bit puny, isn't it?" They had pulled up in front of a run down, plain white house. Two windows were boarded up, and one was missing altogether. The door was swinging off its hinges. The porch leaned dangerously to one side. Kendall couldn't imagine anyone living here. He climbed out slowly and made his way up the broken front steps. He stopped to catch his own balance then knocked on the door.

"Logan?" he called. "Logan, it's Kendall. Open up."

…

Logan was dimly aware of a voice shouting his name. At first he wasn't sure if it was inside or outside his head. He'd been dreaming of Kendall, and the voice calling him now sounded awfully lot like his. He forced his eyes to open. Once he did, he groaned and wished the blissful sleep would take him once again. His wrists throbbed, bringing with the pain a faint memory of the night before. He gazed at his hand, and found that it was still wrapped around the razor. He groaned again, willing the suffering to be over and the sleep would just take him for good.

"Logan?" The voice sounded closer this time. Now he was sure it was outside his head, thought it still sounded suspiciously like Kendall. That was an impossibility though, and Logan knew something about impossibilities. Using what little strength he had, he lifted his head off the bathroom floor. He saw Kendall, horror-stricken, standing in the doorway. He gave him a faint smile and lowered his head again. "My God above," Kendall whispered. "What happened to you Logan? What did you do?" Logan lifted his hand up an inch, revealing the razor.

"Cut…" he mumbled. "Life…not worth it…" Kendall was scared now. Logan had slit his wrists with a razor, and he was bleeding to death on the bathroom floor. All caution was thrown to the wind as the blonde scooped the dying brunette off the floor and ran him outside. He scrambled into the back of James' car.

"Drive James!" he practically shouted. "I found him bleeding to death in his bathroom!" James needed no further prompting. He floored it down the driveway and sped off to the hospital. Logan was happy someone cared about him, but he was alright. He could feel the warm hands of sleep carrying him off again. He closed his eyes, and peace was written all over his face.

…

Kendall paced the length of the waiting room. James had tried to get him to sit down for just a minute, but Kendall felt too wound up to sit still. He walked by the brunette again, and this time he grabbed the blonde's wrist. He gently tugged on his hand until the blonde sank down onto the seat next to him. Without saying a word, he draped one arm over his shoulders and pulled him close. Kendall felt himself leaning into the brunette's warmth, and all at once he felt physically and emotionally drained.

"You can sleep Kendall," James whispered, as if he'd read the blonde's mind. "I'll keep and eye out for the ER doctor. I'll wake you if anything happens." As wonderful as sleep sounded right about now, the blonde couldn't bring himself to close his eyes. He just lied against the brunette, staring at nothing and everything. He made slow circles with his forefinger on James' chest, more to pass the time then anything else. "Kendall," James said gently. "You'll be no use to Logan if you're exhausted when he's finally up and about. You should sleep too." Kendall shook his head.

"I want to stay awake," he said, stifling a yawn. "I want to be the first one in his room when he wakes up."

"That'll be awhile," James responded softly, rocking the blonde gently. "They have to inject almost three and a half gallons of blood into him. Last I checked, that is no easy feat. You should relax and sleep while you can." Again, the blonde shook his head. He could be very stubborn when he wanted to be. James continued to rock him until the doctor came out.

"We alerted his father," he began, and Kendall's eyes widened. He'd seen Logan's dad on the way out, and he wasn't someone he ever wanted to see again. He made a motion for the doctor to continue. "He's lost a lot of blood, and he's lucky he had two friends who were looking out for him." James smiled down at the blonde, but he still looked to exhausted to do much. "We have him knocked out for the time being. Your welcome to go down and check on him." Kendall rose to his feet, swaying to the side and about falling over again.

"How about a wheelchair for my weary friend here?" James asked kindly, holding Kendall upright. "He's determined to see the boy, and he's drained of energy." The doctor gave him a curt nod then left. The brunette eased the blonde back down onto the couch. "The nice doctor is getting you a wheelchair, okay Kendall?" Kendall nodded mutely. All he could think of is Logan being alive.

The doctor returned shortly with a wheelchair. James easily lifted the blonde off the couch and set him in the wheelchair. Kendall rested his head on his hand as the brunette pushed him into Logan's room. Kendall sucked in a breath when he saw his condition. They had removed his sweatshirt and replaced his clothes with one of those pale blue hospital gowns. Kendall noticed the ugly lines of the razor cuts on his wrists, which were protruding from under the blanket. Up and down his pale arms were more cuts, of various length and redness. He covered his mouth. This boy in front of him wasn't just in trouble; he was broken.

"James," he whispered. The brunette moved around the wheelchair and placed his arms around the blonde's shoulders. Blocking his view. He held him as he began to sob; giant, body-racking sobs. He felt tears pricking the corners of his own eyes. His heart went out to Logan then, and he decided that some lives are definitely worth saving. He looked deep into Kendall's bottle-green eyes, and he saw sadness in its rawest form; pure, untamed sadness. He rubbed Kendall's back in small circular motions; the very same Kendall had done on his chest what felt like hours ago.

"It's okay baby," he mumbled in the blonde's ear. "Now I see your fascination with this boy. He definitely needs help." Kendall only nodded. He'd known all along that the boy needed a companion. He hadn't known that he needed one this badly. James and Kendall kept their silent vigil until Kendall's eyes finally began to close.

…

Logan couldn't feel the welcoming hands of the drug-induced sleep any longer. He only felt the blood rushing through his veins, so loudly that he opened his eyes to see if someone was beating a drum by his ear. He noticed James in the corner of the room, and his eyes widened and he scrambled to a sitting position. James held up his hand and turned his body slightly to show Kendall. His eyes were still closed, and he was clutching the brunette's shirt. A tiny light of recognition filtered through Logan's eyes and he reached out weakly. James walked over to him and leaned the blonde down. Logan reached out and touched the blonde's face.

"Thank you," Logan croaked, wincing at the sound of his own voice. James held a straw up to his lips, and he drank gratefully. When he felt he had enough, he tried again. "Why'd you bring me here? Dying was my escape." Something passed over the brunette's expression.

"Don't say that Logan," he said quietly but firmly. "You gave poor Kendall here a heart attack. This is the first time he's slept all day. He was in such a shock they gave him a small shot to help him sleep. He was half-asleep anyway." James was droning on now, but Logan was fascinated with the story. Kendall worried that much about him?

"How's he doing?" he asked, looking at the sleeping blonde. James bounced him gently, and he whimpered in his sleep.

"He doesn't want to be disturbed," James said with a smile. Logan smiled too. "Logan," James began slowly. Logan turned his attention to the taller brunette. "What happened? Why try and take your own life?" Logan squeezed his eyes shut.

"My mom," he said, eyes still closed. "She left me and my dad almost two months ago. Said she never loved him or me. But she always called me her little angel; said she needed me. She left me with my bastard father." He opened his eyes and felt tears making their way down his cheeks. He saw similar tears on James' face, and suddenly he didn't feel so alone.

…

_A/N: You saw the respectable perspective of Kendall and Logan and how they dealt with finding Logan on the bathroom floor. What are your thoughts?_


End file.
